Fear
by DawnieWrites
Summary: What would happen if Ichigo ever lost control of his Hollow? Rukia/Ichigo POV
1. Preface

'_How? Why?'_ I kept asking myself the same questions over and over again as I ran through the trees, ignoring the branches tugging at my hair and clothes.

It seemed rather ironic to me that I would be running from the one thing I cherished. But I kept running; no matter how hard I was breathing, no matter how many tears I cried, and no matter how hard I wished for the pain to stop, I knew I would never stop running.

My muscles tensed when I heard a branch snap to my left; but I kept running. I knew that if I hesitated for even a second, it would all be over.

The thunder was too loud, the lightning was too bright. It seemed like a nightmare; and I kept wishing to myself that that was really all it was.

A nightmare…

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**A/N:**** Was supposed to be a one-shot...oh well...**


	2. Ichigo

**Suggested Music: When I Fall or No Other One by Rachael Lampa**

* * *

It had been getting harder and harder to control it; No matter how in control I was, my inner hollow was always fighting to get out, to be released, and to be allowed to wreak havoc on the world I fought to protect.

It had been a month now since I had finished training with the Vizards and I'd had some foolish hope that its voice in my head would just vanish once I gained control over it. Rukia and I were training when I first heard it again.

'_Oi, King,'_ it's voice echoed in my head, faint but still the same cold voice of a drowning man, _'you'll give up sooner or later.'_ Then it laughed and the voice disappeared. I didn't worry about it; it didn't speak to me again.

_One Month Later…_

We were in Hueco Mundo...again. We had followed yet another useless lead and had ended up in Gillian forest…again. Only this time we were met by an ever smiling Ichimaru Gin.

I turned to look at Rukia, she was putting on a brave face, but she had described to me once exactly how badly this man affected her. She was trembling and her violet eyes were distant.

"Don't worry," I whispered in her ear, "I've got your back."

She calmed down visibly just as Gin released his shikai and we dove out of the way. I had already activated bankai and put on my Vizard mask. Rukia was handling three Adjuchas while I faced off against the former captain.

The fight was about to end; Rukia was finishing off the last of her opponents and Gin was just about to make another blow when it happened. I thought I had just lost too much blood, but then I realized later I hadn't lost enough to become delusional.

'_Oi, King,'_ the water-logged voice inside my brain called. I froze, unable to move. _'Having a little trouble?'_ it snickered as I tried to force it back down. _'You can try, but I'll get what I want sooner or later!'_ the voice finally disappeared and I heard another voice pulling me back to reality…

"Ichigo! Oi, Ichigo Wake up!" Rukia's voice was pleading with me. I opened my eyes and blinked away the last bit of darkness from the corners. I sat up and she threw her arms around my neck.

"You stupid strawberry! You nearly got yourself killed!" she released me and leaned back on her heels, relief spreading over her face.

"What happened? Where's Gin?" I asked her.

"You just fell. He didn't hit you or anything, you just fell down and your mask disappeared."

"And Gin?" I stood up looking around. She just shook her head, and I almost swore I heard a water-logged snigger in the back of my mind.

_Two Months Later…_

I was facing off against Nnoitra, and the tenuous grip I had on my inner Hollow was slowly slipping, rage welling inside of me at the sight of what lay behind him; Rukia. Her right leg was crushed, and there was a gash in her stomach that showed one broken rib.

'_You're weak King,'_ the voice laughed at me.

"Shut up!" I tried to make it go away.

'_You'll never save her.'_

"SHUT UP."

'_She's going to die.'_ Fury ripped through my entire being and my control disappeared. The hollow emerged, letting loose all of my reiatsu at once in a powerful wave that smashed everything in the room into the wall before I blacked out.

_Hours Later…_

We were sitting on the roof of the clinic; Rukia had just finished getting the bandages on her stomach and leg replaced. She looked at me and I flinched under her glare.

"What?" she demanded.

"I'm sorry," I started.

"Don't you dare!" I put a hand over her mouth to silence her and kept on going.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I lost control. I'm sorry you got hurt. And I'm sorry I'm so weak," I removed my hand from her mouth, "I should have been there. I should've bee-" She smashed her lips onto mine, flinging her arms around my neck and effectively silencing the rest of what I had to say.

'_Let me out King,'_ the voice echoed in my head as I began to let my guard down, _'That's it. Let me be free with the Princess.'_ It snickered. I pulled apart from Rukia and backed away quickly, holding my head.

"Shut up! Leave me alone!" I hissed, but the voice just became more insistent until I finally picked myself up… and ran.


	3. Rukia

**Suggested Music: Another Day or Miracle by Paramore(personally I prefer Another Day)**

* * *

I didn't understand. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't understand what.

Ichigo started using his Vizard mask less and it seemed like sometimes right after he did, he was either yelling at himself or collapsing.

The yelling I could stand; the collapsing? Not so much, especially when he stayed unconscious for long periods of time.

I noticed him trying to subtly slip away with the crowd after school one day. I popped a Soul Candy in my mouth and followed him to the Vizard's warehouse. It was empty, the underground room destroyed.

My pager went off then and I silenced it quickly, leaving to go take care of whatever hollow or Arrancar nuisance had showed up this time…

_An Hour Later…_

We're at Orihime's waiting for her to heal me because Ichigo had to save my ass… again. I don't know what I'm trying to prove by rushing into these battles alone… or if I'm even trying to prove anything at all. It's the third time in the past two weeks and I can see it's taking its toll on him to have to use his Vizard mask so much.

_Two Weeks Earlier…_

First it was Yammi, when he arrived here in Karakura town. I broke nearly every bone in my body trying to take him on in his released form. Ichigo had been using his Vizard mask and then he just collapsed; he didn't move for twenty minutes. I'd never admit it to anyone but it scared me. I thought I would lose him.

A week later, Nnoitra had me cornered in Hueco Mundo on one of our reconnaissance trips; I knew I wasn't strong enough to defeat him, but I didn't run away, I chose to stand my ground. The next thing I remember is Ichigo with his mask, screaming at himself; then his reiatsu exploded and I blacked out.

I came to and found Renji sitting next to Unohana Taichō next to me and Orihime healing Ichigo. I knew that no matter how much she healed me I'd always have the scars; scars didn't bother me, it was Ichigo that bothered me.

I didn't understand why he always felt like he had to shoulder everything, why he felt as if everything was his fault. And when he started apologizing to me that was the last straw, I had to get him to shut up. So I kissed him. I just smashed my lips to his, and he responded. It was the first physical contact we'd had since the false lead to Gillian forest.

And then he pulled away, and started hissing at himself again. And then he did the one thing I have never seen Kurosaki Ichigo do; he _ran._

_Present..._

And now here I am, being healed up once again because I decided to stand my ground and not run away...again. Why I had to choose to be a brainless idiot against Wonderweiss of all creatures I have no idea. But Ichigo is still here, still talking to himself.

_One Month Later…_

We're on the roof of the clinic. I don't know why but for some reason this place is the most relaxing place I can ever think of going. Ichigo's sitting next to me and there are deep circles under his eyes.

I lean against him, letting him know he's not alone and he flinches, but he doesn't move away.

"Why won't you let me in?" I ask him quietly. No response. I snake my arms around his waist and just sit there, looking at him.

"Rukia, will you make me a promise?" he asks suddenly.

"What promise?"

"If I ever lose control," he starts, then hesitates, "If it ever seems like I'm going to hurt someone, I want you to promise me that you won't hesitate to stop me; even if you have to kill me to do it."

"What?" I pull away and stare at him, shock and surprise apparent on my face.

"Promise me?" I couldn't believe what he was asking me. What was he expecting me to do? Say 'yes I promise to kill you because I love you'?

"I…" I falter.

"Rukia, promise me!" he's almost shouting now.

"I can't!" I yell back, "I can't promise to kill you! I can't hurt the people I love, not anymore."

"Damnitt Rukia! I'm asking you to promise me this because you love me!" He grabs my wrist and pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. "Because I love _you_, you stubborn midget," he was whispering in my ear now, "promise me."

"I…I promise." I wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his chest.


	4. Beginning of the End

**Suggested Music: Something by Evanescence. Preferably Sweet Sacrifice or Going Under.**

* * *

Ichigo and Rukia lay together on their sides in their bed. Rukia is curled into Ichigo's chest sleeping peacefully and he is holding her close, his amber eyes deep in thought, both clad in nothing but the bed sheets. It's been nearly a year since Ichigo made her promise she would kill him if anything went wrong, and thankfully nothing has.

They've been married for a little over four months and the forces in Hueco Mundo have only one task: find and kill the traitor Aizen Sōsuke. He is the only enemy left, the last obstacle in the way of rebuilding their world.

Ichigo has been completely in control of his hollow for almost five months, or so everyone thinks. Nobody knows the almost constant struggle going on inside of his mind…

_*Ichigo*_

I should have felt lucky. Sure I was dead, but I still should have felt lucky. The woman I loved was in my arms and the Hueco Mundo forces were close to capturing Aizen. Yet it wasn't Aizen that worried me; it was something much worse. Myself.

My inner hollow had been trying to get out more often in the past week than it had in the past two months. A hell butterfly floated in through the window; I held out my finger and it landed, the message reverberating in my ear.

_'All Captains are to report to the meeting hall immediately.'_ I sighed, wondering what trouble was brewing now. I kissed Rukia lightly on the forehead before climbing out of bed and dressing in my black robes, putting on my white ninth division haori and writing Rukia a small note before shunpo'ing to the meeting hall...

_*Rukia*  
Two Hours Later…_

I had just gotten back from a meeting with Isane in fourth division about my constant fatigue and was sitting at my desk in the Thirteenth Division, getting angrier by the second. I looked back at the note in my hand and frowned at Ichigo's familiar writing:

_Captain's meeting._

"How long does one damn meeting take?" I hissed to myself, twirling my calligraphy pen in-between my fingers. I slammed the pen down on the desk.

"KIYONE!" She was immediately in front of my desk, she could tell I was upset and had been attempting to avoid me.

"Yes Fukutaichō!" Kiyone was the first to speak.

"What's the longest Captain's meeting recorded so far?" I asked; I was getting impatient.

"Thirty five minutes," She replied.

"And how long has this meeting been so far?" I was grinding my teeth now, attempting to keep my reiatsu under control.

"T-two hours, ten minutes and counting," Kiyone squeaked. I exploded, letting go of my reiatsu.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO IMPORTANT?"

_*Ichigo*_

"Absolutely not!" I was yelling at the Sōtaichō. The rest of the captains had just left and I had stayed behind to speak with him privately. "If you try I'll oppose you with everything I have!"

Yamamoto Sōtaichō had spoken of including a new training regiment at the academy that brought me a sickening feeling; control over ones inner hollow.

"An inner hollow is not a battle strategy! It itself is a constant fight inside of your mind, and if you're constantly fighting yourself, how are you expected to fight others!"

"Are you trying to tell me you are an exception, Kurosaki Ichigo?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

"I had the Vizards, who have been neither seen nor heard from since the Winter War ended months ago!"

"Regardless, we have you. You will be in charge of the training if it is accepted."

"And if I refuse?" I challenged.

"You have no choice! You are dismissed!"

_*Rukia*_

As soon as Ichigo walked in the room, I knew something was wrong. The rest of the captains had returned before him and he had returned in a worse mood than usual.

"What did the Sōtaichō do now?" I asked him.

"It's what he's going to do! He wants to make the inner hollow a training course at the academy!"

"Why? The Sōtaichō of all people should know how dangerous a hollow is! Did you try talking him out of it?" I was appalled; the Sōtaichō was the one who had been against the Vizards existence in the first place.

"He didn't listen, and now he wants me to be in charge of the classes." I could tell he was upset, and I wished I could do something, but nothing seemed appropriate. Especially not after the news I had received from Sentaro's recon team in Hueco Mundo.

"It's just more bad news after more bad news isn't it?" I knew I sounded dead depressing, but there was no way I couldn't.

"What more bad news could there be?" Ichigo was sitting at the dining table and I wasn't sure whether or not I should tell him the news I had received. I sighed and sat down next to him.

"I received a report from Sentaro today," I braced myself for his reaction, "Aizen has, well, um, escaped to the world of the living."

_*Ichigo*_

Aizen had escaped to the real world. Yuzu and Karin were still there, they were in danger. I couldn't think, my head was aching and I was losing control.

_'I warned you King,'_ the hollow said, _'I warned you I wouldn't hesitate to rip you off your throne.'_ I could feel my grasp slipping, my vision was fuzzy.

"Ichigo?" I could hear Rukia somewhere in the background behind the hollow's laughter, concern filled her voice. I tried to force him back, to reach her.

"Run," I managed to say, my voice was thick, a near whisper.

"What?" she questioned me, "Ichigo, what's wrong?"

"Just run!" This time she heard the panic in my voice and took off out the front door just as I was completely thrown into the back of my own mind with the hollow's final words ringing in my ears.

_'I'll take good care of Hime, King.'_

_*Rukia*_

I ran out of the house. My first thought was fourth division. But if Ichigo was losing control, having more people around wouldn't be a smart idea. I took off into the dense tree-line and didn't stop. I could feel someone, no, something, following me. I knew it wasn't Ichigo; it couldn't be.

A branch broke to my right and I stopped, my hand on the hilt of my zanpakutō. The next thing I knew I was pinned to the tree behind me and I'm looking up at Ichigo. But it's no longer him. His eyes are black and yellow and his tongue is long as a snake's.

"W-who are you?" I choked out against the arm on my throat.

"You already know that answer, Hime," he laughed, his voice is high and water-logged. He licked my face and I couldn't reach my zanpakutō, so I did the first thing I could think of. I kneed him, hard, causing him to be shoved back and I lost no time in running as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

The same questions kept running through my head over and over again as I ran through the trees, ignoring the branches tugging at my hair and clothes.

It seemed rather ironic to me that I would be running from the one thing I cherished. But I kept running; no matter how hard I was breathing, no matter how many tears I cried, and no matter how hard I wished for the pain to stop, I knew I would never stop running.

My muscles tensed when I heard a branch snap to my left; but I kept running. I knew that if I hesitated for even a second, it would all be over.

The thunder was too loud, the lightning was too bright. It seemed like a nightmare; and I kept wishing to myself that that was really all it was.

The rain started coming down harder, I was already soaked to my skin and was getting colder by the minute. I spotted an opening and dove into the shelter of an old tree; I hid myself in the hole beneath its roots.

"Come out, Come out Hime-sama!" I heard him croon, "You can't hide!" Then his face was suddenly in front of mine and I involuntarily screamed. He reached his hand into my hiding place and dragged me out into the rain by the front of my robes, slamming my back against the tree.

"Let's have fun," he cackled in my ear. One of his hands held both of mine above my head while his other one ripped open the front of my Shihakushō, running his hands up and down my body. I tried kicking him, but he pinned my lower body down with his own.

He smashed his mouth down on my own, forcing my lips open with his tongue. I bit down on his invading tongue and tasted blood. He ripped his head away from mine and took a step back, letting me go. I took my chance.

_"Bakudō no ichi, SAI!__"_ I looked up, but he was nowhere to be found. I took a few cautious steps forward and felt a hand connect with my face. I went flying and finally landed with my back against another tree. I stood up and found the hollow standing over me, smiling as he took my own zanpakutō from its sheath and drove it through my left shoulder, effectively pinning me to the tree.

I let out a cry of surprise and pain as another clap of thunder sounded. The hollow grabbed the ripped front of my robes and removed the rest of the fabric with a tearing sound. His hakama hit the wet grassy floor and then he was on me; biting, licking, touching me everywhere, oblivious to my one-handed attempts to remove him from the vicinity of my body.

I let out a strangled gasp of horror when he took my breast in his mouth and bit down, hard. I scratched at his back, but he just back handed me, slamming the back of my head against the tree; I saw stars. I screamed when he took me; slamming into me with a sickening laugh. I let my tears unwillingly mix with the rain on my face as I clawed at his back. Then I heard it, echoing in my head.

_"I love you, midget," Ichigo whispered in my ear, "promise me."_ I stopped struggling and remembered what he said.

"I promise," I whispered, lightning lighting up the sky as I reached around with my right arm and grabbed the hilt of my zanpakutō.

_'Sode no Shirayuki,'_ I called, _'forgive me please!'_

_"Mai,"_ I whispered, _"Sode no Shirayuki!"_ my zanpakutō glowed pure white, its guard trailing off into a long ribbon. I broke the blade in my arm and held the broken end of the blade to the hollow's chest. He laughed.

"You can't kill me with a broken sword!"

"I love you Ichigo," I whispered as I positioned the blade over the hollow's heart, _"S-san no Mai, Shirafune!"_ My blade reformed through his chest and he fell back, screaming as he disappeared in a flurry of spirit particles, leaving nothing behind but Ichigo's blade, Zangetsu.

I fell onto my knees and collapsed face-first onto the grass, blacking out.


	5. Epilogue

**I Need You to Love Me or I Believe in Love by Barlow Girl**

* * *

Rukia was in Fourth Division, sleeping peacefully for the first time in the seven months since Ichigo's death and the academy training regiment had been vetoed. Unohana Taichō was outside of her room speaking with Kuchiki Byakuya in low tones.

"So how did it go?" he asked.

"No complications. Considering it is the first time in one hundred years, I can say that is the best outcome we could have wished for," she smiled at the stoic man, "they will both be fine but we're keeping them both under our strict watch for the next few days." They heard Rukia stir and looked over at her.

"Unohana…Taichō?" the woman called.

"Hai, Kuchiki Fukutaichō," the motherly woman responded, "you are fine."

"What happened?"

"Abarai-kun found you and brought you here immediately after retrieving Kuchiki-Taichō."

"And…?"

"She is safe," Unohana answered her unfinished question. Rukia relaxed and succumbed to sleep once more.

_*Rukia*  
Four years later…_

It was July 15th and I was standing in front of Ichigo's grave like I did every year. No that's incorrect. I was standing in front of the place where I buried Ichigo's zanpakutō. I gently lowered myself to my knees and placed a single buttercup on the marble stone; the Ninth Division symbol; but this year I wasn't alone. I watched as a smaller hand placed another buttercup on top of my own.

"Come here Tsuki," I held out my arms and a head of shocking orange hair buried itself in my chest. I wrapped my arms around my four year old daughter and held her in my lap.

"Kaa-san," she lifted her head and raised her amber eyes to look at me, "do you miss Otō-san?"

"I do," I whispered in her ear, "but you know what I know Tsuki?"

"What?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"He's still here," she tilted her head to show her confusion, "he'll always be here, with me and you."

"How? I don't see him anywhere," Tsuki knew Ichigo from the one picture I had of him smiling… while be kicked in the shins by me.

"He's here," I stood her up and put my hand over her heart, then my own. She giggled and held her hands up. I picked her up and gave her a hug, she rested her head in my neck, and her breathing slowed as she eased into sleep.

"She's beautiful isn't she Ichigo?" I looked out into the orange sunset, "It's been a while since I talked to you last, hasn't it? I felt so guilty about everything. There's no more trouble here or in Hueco Mundo. Karin caught Aizen herself last week. All is safe here and Tsuki is going to grow up strong I'm sure," I laughed, "just yesterday, she gave Renji a broken nose when I left her with him so Karin and I could leave," my face softened, "we all miss you here and in the living world. I love you Ichigo."

I turned around and walked away when Renji shunpo'd to my side.

"What news Renji?" I asked, handing him Tsuki.

"Matsumoto-Fukutaichō said Hitsugaya-taichō received a report from Kurosaki-taichō," he explained, "she's looking for you."

"Can you take Tsuki back to the house?" I asked as I unfolded and put on my new haori, the Ninth Division symbol on the back. He nodded and took off in one direction while I took off in the opposite towards Tenth.

I had passed my Captains proficiency test yesterday overseen by Hitsugaya-taichō, Kyoraku-taichō, and Karin, who had become captain of Third Division soon after her death two years ago. I had turned down Ukitake-taichō's offer of taking over Thirteenth Division, he then recommended me for Captain of Ninth shortly after I obtained Bankai.

I arrived at tenth to find Tōshirō standing outside of his office with an unusually deep scowl on his face. He stood up when he saw me and walked me inside where Karin was talking with Rangiku.

"Karin," She turned to look at me and Rangiku left, smiling. "Is something wrong?"

"Urahara asked me to give this to you," she had a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that worried me. I took the paper she handed me and unfolded it. I smiled and gave her a hug, the paper falling to the floor.

_Name:__ Akio Suzuki __Birthplace:__ Hokkaido, Japan  
__Weight:__ 8lbs, 9oz __Eyes:__ Brown __Hair:__ Orange_

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**A/N - If you didn't figure it out, Tsuki was born seven months after Ichigo lost to his hollow, meaning it was conceived two months before Ichigo lost to his hollow meaning yes, it is really his child. For those of you who are curious, Tsuki means moon. She is named for Ichigo's sword, Zangetsu which means "cutting moon"**

For those of you confused by the two lines in Italics. It's supposed to be a birth certificate. Urahara is letting Rukia know that Ichigo's soul was reborn safely.


End file.
